Man, I haven't blogged in a while. I blame Call Of duty: MW2, the single player campaign is ridiculously fun. Over the past few days a few bad things happened and then a few a good things =P.
Have you ever had that feeling where you just feel unattached to life? Like as if you suddenly took a step back from whatever you might be raving over. For me it was music. I got into it, making it was A LOT of fun. And then all of the sudden during the weekend I completely lost interest in that, and anything else with it. Like I literally just laid back and watched some anime without much excitement. Then my mind would drift off and think about what I'm going to do with myself in the future. Like how will my life change when I'm older and have more freedom? Will I still be watching anime and playing games? YES I most likely will lol but aside from that how will I represent myself when I walk through Boston... I doubt I'll be one of those guys who wear nice lavish casual clothing constantly. T-Shirt and jeans is enough for me, and... I like to wear suits too haha. Plus the friends I have now are growing farther and farther away from me. My best friends who were my sempais in high school are practically nonexistent. To stay in touch with them, I would really have to make an effort to clear my schedule and hang out, but it's just not as easy as it sounds.
These feelings could probably came from the random outburst I saw from my father, who must have some control issues seeing how he freaked out over the fact that I snuck in half an hour of COD on a weekday. =P I have been a best little azn boy I've ever been since elementary school yet he still scolds me, WTF man. It's unfair how much power he has over me, yes I can easily leave the house and live on my own, but what people don't understand is: I am not willing to compromise my education nor my financial security.
If I leave home now, I won't be able to pay off the student loans without starving myself and leaving myself to freeze on the streets. If I were able to get a decent job to support a part-time college education, I'd still be extremely tight on money just from trying to pay-off rent and any other necessary expenses. I actually went out to get some serious advice about this too. I was told that it is possible to support myself and goto college part-time, but I would be living on $10,000 - $13,000 a year income. So it's feasible to live out some really hard and lonely years in my early twenties and still get the opportunity to succeed. Awesome, but things in my home aren't to the point where "I NEED TO MOVE OUT". I'm not going to let a deranged man ruin my life in early adulthood because of his control issues, if he threatens to hurt me then that's the time to get out. So until then I'll have to tolerate it the best I can.
With that all said, now I'm just sitting here daydreaming about what my life will be when I'm 23,24, or 25. By that time I will most definitely be free from any control. I'm pretty sure the bastard isn't going to let me have my way until I leave the house, *sigh* I'll spit on his corpse when he dies, that's how bitter I feel about him. But just thinking about how freedom will feel by then, it's like a dream come true. Sure I'll have tons of bills to pay, but there won't be anyone governing my life. I seriously envy people who have lenient parents, they'll never understand what it's like to have a very controlling power-abusive parent. I just did some quick research with from good sources that really support my emotional problems with my parents controlling nature. *shrug* It's another thing that I'll have to tolerate and wait out...
So what good has happened early this week? Not much but it's enough to keep myself going...
"GOOD JOB" says my Management 101 Professor =D =D =D xD
God I was getting pretty nervous when I found out that there was business presentation to do today. I had no idea what the case study was about and no idea what the problems were. Thankfully one of my team members is a really responsible person (I really admire her) and she made printouts for us to read before the presentation. The other guys on the team didn't read into it too much so they read off the paper a little bit during the presentation... which is very bad lol. I managed to memorize and act out my part like a pro to carry my weight for the group.
At the end of the whole ordeal it was only me and that one girl who weren't scrutinized with anything wrong. The scrutiny is pretty broad too. Like say if your hands were in the wrong place, or if you were maintaining eye contact in the wrong way, or there wasn't any flow in your speaking. If you did any little thing of those things wrong the professor would pick us out for it >.< It wasn't that big of a deal, the real presentation with actual business CEOs come December. But just being praised like that made me feel really good about myself. Maybe it's the kind of thing I really needed once in a while. I can go and tell myself "Alright I did a pretty good job with this project" but listening to it being told to you by someone else is different. Even my parents haven't had anything good to say about me despite my good grades, I've gotta keep reminding myself that I have a good future ahead as long as I tough it out and work hard to get that awesome job.