Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Let's talk about my day



I went through a weird philosophical thinker phase the past few weeks. I'm over it now, the whole ordeal was pretty friggin trippy. I had to get myself out of it sooner or later or I'd end up lookin like a weirdo when I goto my friends b-day party. Hmm so yeah back to the norm...


Here's the bad stuff...

Well I spent the week looking at my classmates in school, and finally I realized how shitty people are personality wise in Suffolk. There's tons of stuck-up snobby people at Suffolk. There's a real good word for describing the way they act too. At first you could say that their pretentious and brush it off  but then when something goes a little out of line they're a bunch of lil whiney pricks =P. And this is just Suffolk, I can't imagine how people are in schools like Boston University and Harvard.

Really not a good way to start out a blog huh.. well most of the bad/annoying  stuff tend to stand out first anyway so i rather get it out of the way.... annnnd so I was bored the other day and started visiting random chat rooms on anime sites lol. I don't know if its the internet or the anime community, but when people create close-knit communities on public websites things can get awfully heated when you come in as a stranger. In general I'm a little bit of a troll because of the stuff I read on 4ch and the news I go through on sankaku, so yeah I can be a bit of ass sometimes. But that doesn't mean I should be banned after typing one line in a chatroom =(. The chat I went to had a random girl typing in japanese when no one else but her (well I understood but she didn't know that) could understand. I was like "nihonjin lolol" which is basically "lawl japanese(people)" and then BAM massive flames and a banhammer to boot rofl. Apparently she had a lot of arrogant pride in being japanese and speaking it =P. C'mon now we're all equal humans why cant we all get along. Judging from the hiragana in the kanji it looked she was copy and pasting stuff anyway- so she was probably pretending to be japanese. Plus she accused me of talkin shit when I was typing really politely lol, I haven't really been taught how to speak informally yet... Crazy people man..., the internet is fun.

Gah... 20 min before class and i didnt do my hw...
*phat edit*
alright i'm back.

The Good Things

Thankfully not everyone is a complete snob in college, a pretty damn good amount of people are really down to earth. It's just that when there's a lot of nasty people around it smothers the presence of all the good people and you'll hardly notice them =(.
Despite all the rain and cold weather I'm feeling pretty damn good about this week. I got A LOT of work done. I was behind on schoolwork because of a court hearing and it just happened to be on a an important day of class =P. But ya know at times like that you really gotta buckle down, push aside the things you want to do and get to work. And that's what I did lol. Surprisingly enough a buncha of other people have been slackin too that I've noticed. Recently a friend of mine Amy texted a bit n told me she was slackin then I went over to Anh's blog to find out that he was slacking too(really now of all people), and then I visited another blog Naka's Net and she needed to catch up on work too lolol. Well I guess we all slack off one way or another. At least I got my shit done, hell I even cleaned up my room and fixed my internet - good times bro, good times. GL to all my other friends lol.

Hmm what else... again it feels good to just sit down and let your thoughts come up while you blog. I don't think or plan about anything before I blog, it all just comes flying out of my head. Oh yeah! Aside from gettin work done I'm getting a nice rare opportunity to socialize lol. My dear friend heather is havin a bday soon and we're all chippin in to get her an iPhone, shes had her classic ipod for waaay too long. This week i'm havin lunch wit mich, hopefully anh or anyone else will come along. Sitting on vent all day talkin to the same bunch of guys makes me few isolated =P It's nice to actually see faces.

For the future...

It's been on my mind lately... During class I doodle A LOT, shit I doodle even more now than I did during highschool. It's all over my notes and if I'm not careful I get carried away and doodle all over the whole page and miss out on the lecture =_=... But I haven't actually sat down to draw anything meaningful and or to draw and paint when I get that occasional creative spark. 
So starting tomorrow I'm gonna make a picture diary lol. It'd be like what I used to do in art class, draw 1 or 2 pictures a week and see how I improve over time (which actually helped a great deal). I gotta announce stuff like this to get it done.. otherwise I just forget about it lol. So now whenever I log on and reread my stuff I'll be able to rememeber. And this time it wont be just pencil art, I gotta use up my phat supply of toners and ink, its wasting away if I dont use it.

Mmk back to studying...

Thursday, February 11, 2010

On the Subject of Loneliness


 This is stemming off my last post. After having a can of melatonin and rose extracts I was knocked out good lol. But after that post, I reread it and gave it some more thought. The subject of living out of reach of society has been occupying my thoughts heavily. Aside from thinking about my future whenever I sit down to write something on my blog, this time I took some time to think about other people's lives and the affects of loneliness on people.



Cutting yourself off from reality, yet still living in it. Lines like that pop up whenever I think about the stories I've read in my English Literature course. So far all we've been doing is reading short stories about really lonely and depressed people. The professor focused heavily on the gender roles and feminism factors of the stories instead of the loneliness that the characters go through, I was a little disappointed with that =P. She probably did it because of the fact that issues with sexism today are still going on despite all the attempts to erase it. Sexism in the office of w/e is a good subject but I was really interested in the "loneliness" business a lot more. The main reason for that is because people who have problems with depression or really weird abstract behavior, often suffer from extreme loneliness, and this problem has been a part of human society ever since our evolution from homo sapiens.



Well as an otaku I first used anime to get better hold of how loneliness affects us. NHK immediately came to mind. It was truly the very first series that directly confronted the issues of a hikikomori and gave people a better understanding of them. From there I looked further into the hikikomoris and discovered that there are well over a million hikikomoris living in Japan according to Sankaku News, although they said it was more of a number like 3.6 million(don't search it..nasty stuff)... That's a lot of people. Even more disturbing are the news articles I came up about them. In one case the hikikomori had a father who was became determined to bring him back into society, and have an opportunity to live a fulfilling life. In the end the hikikomori resisted and refused to turn away from his lifestlye, his father did not give up, so the hikikomori killed his own father to protect his isolated way of life. Reading this you'd think that the hikikomori is pretty nutty, but there's all different kinds of them. There are hikikomoris who simply just choose to live that way and are able to keep themselves from going insane, often these people are the ones who come up with brilliant works of literature or art. The reason for that is the fact that they isolate themselves from the distractions of a social lifestyle. They begin to see things in humans that we often miss because we're all in such a daze from enjoying being human. From there they pick apart society, human nature, and many many other deep social issues that we tend to avoid. Normally if you keep yourself in this sort of train of thought for a long period of time, it'll cause some social mental issues, even if you were a calm and collective person over time you might have an episode of insanity. In another case a hikikomori was quite a normal fella, he just sported an isolated lifestyle. He got along with his sister and his family very well. But then one day he murdered his sister... his reason for murder? "She was too noisy" =P. But if they keep themselves from going crazy like they can make some brilliant works of art.

Books and short stories are a great resource to find examples of work done by loneliness. Stories like No Longer Human are excellent examples of what might one really really lonely person may be like. Reading short studies from American Literature like "Adventure" can be a real eye-opener to the fact that this "loneliness" disease isn't just in Japan, it's all over the world. So from there I concluded that it's directly connected to the moral factors of what truly makes us human. Without the morals or values of a human what do we become? Insane? Probably, or something around there in that region. Some more research was done and I started watching Nova documentaries (lawl) about the origins of humans. It's a pretty long story and a long documentary so I'll get straight to the point. Our ancestors finally began showing signs of being truly human about 32,000 million years (not sure if thats the right number) when we were Homo Erectus. At that time we had finally begun showing signs of real connection between individuals, we to care for eachother and care about what others think, that is what makes us human, our ability to love and so on. That would be the foundations of one of the unique traits of humans, a cultural society. So when you take away a person's ability to connect with society exactly what happens to them (the troll in me says they turn into losers =P)? Whether or not they evolve or digress from human evolution I'm not sure, but they certainly become different and that's what I'm really interested in.

I might be getting somewhat obsessed with this subject, but it's just so intriguing. There's just so many different things that could happen to an isolated person. I've spent a lot of nights just watching and reading different stories and researching the authors of these stories to learn more, and I started to come up with my own theory on how hikikomoris or "loners" came into existence. But that'll be for another time...

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The WoW Binge



Yes for winter break I moved up to the snowy mountains dragging a 26,400 foot long cable wire to bring the interweb with me as I secluded myself from the rest of society. I spent nearly the entire winter break playing WoW lol. Hmm to be ashamed or not be ashamed, I'll just say I'm a little ashamed since it's not something worthy of praise. I did go out a good number of times though so I can't classify myself as a Hikikomori, but I came pretty damn close. It's weird seeing how I can change depending on what time of year it is. By time of year I mean like during the months I'm in school studying away or on break and playing WoW -_-. It probably doesn't mean much now, but this is a good time to take a note for myself and watch out for changes in my living habits, because in the future when I don't have to go to school, it would only take a small notion of laziness to just separate myself from everyone and enjoy the rest of my life in self-indulgence.

Well at least its easy to get in and out of hibernation mode and get back to work. Up until the last day of break I was still playing WoW heavily, and sleeping really late at night. Then when school started up I woke up at 5:30 in the morning with no problems and I was all geared up and ready to receive some education. I guess that would count as one of my few good traits lol. But still... there needs to be more of balance between the two lifestyles.


When I'm in hibernation mode I pretty much toss out all of my productive activities for the day and do whatever I feel like doing. If I feel like sitting home and being lazy then thats what I'll do (I still go to work though lol), so even if there's a party or some kind of gathering going on I probably won't go. Usually this is how it goes.

I'm sitting in my chair watching some anime (typical otaku), phone rings up a text inviting to come to a party. I sit their for another half an hour before I give it any thought, and then when I do I usually just refuse the offer and continue with whatever I was doing.

It's gotten bad to the point when I would just ignore incoming text messages completely for a good day or two and then reply back to the sender. Once I heard my buddies complaining about it I felt guilty and tried to go out more often =(. Besides that things like updating this blog or checking up on facebook once in a while go on hold. Just looking at this blog you can see I haven't blogged in quite a long time. During my hibernation period things like "blogging" or socializing were a big nuisance, funny how much I enjoy blogging now that I'm sitting in school bored of waiting for my next class. Just looking at the whole picture it all seems pretty unhealthy. Although I felt quite content with the lifestyle of having "no life", I can see that there may be some complications in the future if I live that way for a long time... Like say a Mid-Life crisis lol. Wake up one morning, sit myself up on my bed, staring at my feet and all the trash around it in my room. The computer will  still be on from another late night of gaming, then I suddenly realize I was late for work - again. But this time I don't panic and run out to get ready, instead I sit there and make another realization that I'm 40 years old with nothing to be proud of... So yeah, I don't mind and don't really feel all that ashamed of a living a hikikomori like lifestyle but sooner or later I'll realize that the prime years of life are gone and I haven't done anything meaningful =(. That would just suck more than anything.

Then there's the other side of things. The hardworking dedicated Mr. Snuggles lol =]. That's what I currently am right now. Now even though I'm no longer being lazy or negligent, I'm still on the anti-social side. I just put all my focus and concentration in schoolwork and any other productive activities - like writing this blog =P. But any other activities I do for relaxation or enjoyment are put on hold. Stuff like playing games, going out, shopping at the mall, or watching a marathon of anime. It's true that living this way made me A LOT better at school, but I feel like a drone living out a black and white life. If I were to ask myself in the future if my life was worthy of praise, then I would say yeah it is. But it'd be worthy for praise for things I'm not too proud of. If I do land that nice job and makes loads of money, cool awesome, but that's pretty boring =P.

Hmmm, I just drank a can of "Drank", which does the opposite of energy drinks... lol... well I'll just end this blog here..