Sunday, April 11, 2010

Getting Older

Yesterday I went to a party, played some beer pong- I had a blast. Today I woke up in the morning, cleaned my room, and went off to work. I got home did my homework and put together my financial papers and study abroad application papers. I'm all ready to start the week. But it hit me... I'm being more and more responsible. And my days are getting duller and duller.

I'm in college now, the most independent years of my life, my prime years. It's pretty damn safe to say that I'm nearing the peak of my youth. In a few more years I'll be working my career and I'll be looking for someone to marry, --> in a few more years. Sure I still go out to eat and hang out with my friends but never before in my life have I ever worked so much and had so much on my mind. Not only do I have more "actual real" responsibilities but I also perceive things differently. When I was in high school, like in my sophomore and junior years, school and the friends I made in school were my whole world. If I were to picture it in my mind it would be me stuck in a globe surrounded by images, memories, and friends- on the top of a mountain. Now I visualize my world as me standing over a cliff, my memories of high school and my friends are behind me, and a massive valley of nothingness is in front of me. I take a step out over the cliff, and the cliff expands with new memories made, new ideals, new values, and different morals. I look over my shoulder and say "So High School is over eh?"

 So what got me thinking about this... Well the events of the past few days, weeks, and over the year have been new and has changed me a little bit inside. In other words I matured a little. When I pick-up my little brother from high school I look at all the kids running around. I realized that High School, at least to me was a sheltered place shunning my eyes away from how REALLY big the world is. I was already curious about what was really in the world at that time. I questioned things like, "Is High School Drama really important?",
"How shocked should I be when someone gives me 'Shocking News'?". Some people in school obviously embraced drama and some others began creating their pretentious images. I always just sat in the back and asked why? Of course I never made any of that known to anyone, if I started ranting wouldn't that make me another one of those pretentious fools? So I just kept it to myself, which was good, it helped me see whats important and what isn't. If only I found the energy to study lol.

And so I graduated... Picked up smoking and quit since it caused problems for me when I worked out. IMO smoking really is just a social thing to do rather than something to enjoy- at least until you're hooked. But ya, I was free of all those questions I had in High School, I didn't even keep a High School Year Book I didn't want any of those memories to drag me down on my way up to success. One of the greatest realizations I made after High School was how big the world really was. After traveling to Vietnam, walking down the poor streets, I think the problems kids have their are far greater than ours. They have greater obstacles to climb in order to reach their dreams, unlike here in America.

Other than looking at things that way I noticed that things around me are changing. For one thing is the respect I get lol. One time I was looking for my little brother at school. I spotted some of his friends which are probably around the age of 15 - 16, and they talked to me.. really politely. It's like how a underclassman would talk to his senpai in Japan. I was really surprised, when I was at that age no one talked to me in a polite formal tone, it was always the friendly informal one like you would have in a normal conversation. But they talked to me like I was a teacher almost o.o That wasn't the only time I've had High Schoolers speaking politely to me, even with some underclassman I knew were pretty formal, unless of course if I joked around with them. But if it was a proper conversation they'd be pretty attentive. Even adults put me on the same level as them in a conversation. In high school you could get the feeling when an adult would talk "down" to you. Now I talk on par with them. It feels very normal when you don't think about it, but when I realized it I was kinda taken aback.

 *sigh* I'm blogging about getting older huh... Right now I'm looking at how I was when 16 and reflecting on it... years from now I'll look back on the day I hit 18 and reflect on it... and then on another day I'll be looking back on my memories as a 25 year old. I just hope that by that time I'll be traveling around the world. I hate being confined to this state, and to this country. It all seems so small and insignificant. I went to Vietnam and it opened my eyes a little. When I go to France to see the other half of my family that I've never seen in my life I hope that'll open my eyes even more. And then I study abroad in Japan I hope that it'll further broaden my horizon.


  1. Growing up isn't a bad thing at all. Everyone has to do it. Getting married is great thing! You'll have your own family and kids. That doesn't sound bad, does it? However, The person you marry can "make you" or "break you". Be careful.

  2. Oh and be happy! End your day with a smile.

  3. wow, to me i think its nice ur growing up. i mean even adults still act lik children at times but when it comes 2 work or sum10 important they act their age, but u still r a kid 2 me! my mom told me until i get a job, hav my own car, married, hav bills and kids 2 tak care of i shouldnt say that im grown up yet! rly i neva did i was grown up, she was just givin one of those lictures. so rly im enjoyin life until tha fullest i will do tha same in college also when i get their. u shuldnt rly think of tha future 2 much just think of ur situation now and then it'll tak u further down tha path of new things or ur future i guess. so try not to rush kz snug-kun!! X3

  4. Growing up is a good thing! Just make sure you take time to have fun sometimes, too, or you'll get all stressed out and depressed and that would not be good...I mean, my dad is 43 years old, but he still acts like he's 10 when he's playing with me and my little brother and sister. But the good thing about being mature is that you can distinguish between time to have fun and time to be serious (that's what a lot of high schoolers lack, me included sometimes X3).

  5. tehe i hate growing up
    ive just learnt to accept it during the end of last year XD

    and tehe great to hear about ppl being polite to u
    gd to hear u quit smoking aswell ^^
    I love the smell of smoke but smoking is too expensive and pointless IMO XD

    nice post and i hope u cheer up ^^

    also u better take loads of pictures in france!

  6. Wow, you actually have a more depressing outlook on life then I do :P

    I want to say encouraging things like everybody else, but honestly I'm stuck feeling the same as you. I'm 20 and I already feel over the hill. Even though I understand my life is just beginning, because of university and the limited fixed focuses I have right now it feels like my life has stagnated.

    I guess we should spend less time thinking about life and more time enjoying it XD

  7. Lotsa people around our age are feeling a little lost some way or another. We just come to make that realization that we're entering that next chapter in life, with no one directing us. So ya like as you said Charlotte we feel kinda stagnated >.<

    But thats why we have people remind us that we should still try to focus on enjoying the present rather than brooding over the future. Thanks guys =)