Saturday, March 24, 2012


So I got it over with my parents.

Should I be surprised at their reaction? They've had the same one when I confronted them before with this issue. They tell me "don't worry, just focus on your life and we'll take care of the rest." but really I know that this is more than they can handle... Yet they still insist on handling it themselves and excluding me from everything.

Having a well paying job right about now would make things a lot less complicated, right? Would I be a happier person? That's hard to say to be honest. I mean even if I did get myself a real career job I'd still would have to deal with all the hardships of working in that type of job. Undoubtedly there will be obstacles that I will have to come to face with. Even with the confidence in my ability to work hard in less than 1st world conditions, there will be things that come along my way that will shake my sanity- things like flat out failure.

I'm confident that I'll be able to face these obstacles however, in the past I know that I may not be brave enough to face them. In high school my dream was to become an artist. It takes an incredible amount of courage and talent to become a successful artist. I didn't have that courage, to be quite frank I was simply just a coward.

I remember having a friend back in high school whom I would talk to occasionally about art and art as a career. She was very confident in her decision to pursue art. I remember asking her "Aren't you afraid of how tough it'll be to succeed?". I don't quite remember her answer, whether she was afraid or not, but I remember clearly that she told me that if you truly love art you'll pursue it regardless. So perhaps I'm lacking not just in talent, but also in passion.

Coming to this stage in my life I can openly admit that the art I made in high school days were partially for showing off the ambidextrous skill-sets that I had developed so casually over the years. I think that a real artist wouldn't have a shred of that type of desire. They would just make art because something within them compels them to.

You know what's funny I just realized that the manner in which I write out this post is very much like a certain character from a manga full of morbid satire. Although I'm not directly attacking society itself with my rants, it's still pretty gloomy to read through it. I guess I need to learn how to enjoy life more. I was never one to go out partying and all that jazz but I'm quite sure that doing so would have helped to mold me into a much more normal person than I am now- which is a person who is agonizing over things that nearly everyone has to deal with at some point in their lives.

I wonder how some other people deal with it. You can't exactly go with the flow, because not taking these issues seriously will end up ruining your life very easily. From what I can tell, just looking into the eyes of people who have endured these dramatic life events, they just glaze over. In a sense they plow through their issues with as little emotion as possible. Again, I think they simply just become boring people.

No comments:

Post a Comment