A collaborative painting our class did. It's made of only dots.
I woke up today. Smelling like alcohol. Dazed out of my mind from a hangover. I propped my laptop onto my belly while still in bed and started reading manga. I think manga has always been my source of "getting away" from reality, although I never ever really wanted to word it that way. But this morning, now then ever it has become even more apparent that alcohol and anime have been my way of escaping from all the loans, the health insurance, and the fact that I'm seriously leaving my childhood, my teenage life, for good. Technically that should have been years ago, but the fact that I still watch anime to help relieve myself of reality is starting to become a problem.
Another huge collaborative painting.
I've had moments before in my life where I've seen signs of myself growing up, maturing slowly on the inside. I woke up this morning as well feeling the same thing. The worst thing about it was the fact that I try to shun away those facts. It's really really depressing if I sit around and think about it. But seriously I have some very serious looking life changing loans to care for, a health insurance plan to sort out before getting hit in the face with the premiums, and a slowly deteriorating family that I need to get away from soon.
I have a very good game plan set out for me for my future. So I got that part of my life down pat. But who said life would have been that easy? I've always known that I was a very very laid back and carefree guy, but I never realized how frighteningly laid back I was. I'm almost a borderline NEET, at least in my mind. I can be a good actor, so I give off a very nice image of a man who has his head on straight, but the real dilemma is inside. I think I've finally started to come to terms that I'm still a child within my own mind. Just having a good time, enjoying life regardless of what it throws at me. That's probably why people may look at me and think everything is okay, but in reality my life will take a very violent and steep dive into hell unless I don't get a grip of myself.
I painted the one in the middle here =)
According to older people it seems like these responsibilities will only just keep piling up as I get older. Which is a bit disheartening, but at least I've laid out a solid realistic game plan for my career life (which to my relief is a very good chunk of the problems everyone has to face). For now I'm just going to have slowly mature even more, this time changing my usual habits. There's one thing that every responsible adult will tell you, NEVER PROCRASTINATE. It used to be a thing you could laugh off in your high school years, but transitioning into college and going on your way out... procrastination can very easily ruin your entire life. So the least I can do now is buy myself a planner, and get serious about getting things DONE. Because that is the one major flaw in my life currently, I say things, but I don't do things- that's bad.
K-ON! Cute, Innocent, Adorable... but...
So back to this morning. The reason I felt like blogging this one out was because of a K-ON! Doujinshi I read. It drew in a huge amount of attention because originally it was thought to be your typical dirty hentai rendition of K-ON! but it turned out to have much more of a plot than pornography at all. If anything the sex scenes only proved to make the whole story more real (too real and depressing) and prove a point about how life and dreams are. If anything it could be a really great work of literature, satire is often my favorite genre in literature but it is also my most feared.
Basically it added in all the elements that the original K-ON! had left out in order to keep the series as an innocent cute girl band group. In the doujin it had a lot of very dirty real drama. The reason why soap operas and today's typical dramas only have romantic unrealistic drama is because no one wants to watch what REAL drama is. Because seriously, it will fucking make you depressed (so it wasn't the best thing to read with a hangover on a Monday morning). But unfortunately the plot of the story was very relevant to me, so I read through the whole thing ;_;
Yeah. I couldn't stop saying "WHAT THE FUCK?"
Right now I'm debating whether or not I should rewatch K-ON! to regain my innocent image of them, or to retain the more realistic depressing mature side of following your dreams that this doujin has shown me. Because for one, this is actually good motivation to get off my ass and finish the bigger problems in life instead worrying about social life and what not. And I'm afraid if I go back I'll end up like Mio in the doujin... Now that I think about the artist does a really good job at representing the different types of people that you could grow up to be like when you get older. Ritsu, as boring as she may seem, is the ideal life many people would like to live.
The artist's name is Takotsuboya for anyone interested, but beware if you snoop around for his work you'll likely end up on some really questionable websites lol.