Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Living a life of Satire

It's been a constant downward spiral. I really wonder how low I'll keep going until I finally pick myself up. I wonder why I stopped visiting my own blog. The internet is such damned place sometimes, maybe that's why I try to stay away from expressing my thoughts through blogging, after all anyone could be reading it. But maybe that's why I get the urge to come back once in a while and do a blog, only to delete it when I realize it's really stupid to share my pointless thoughts. How many times have I done this? Too many =P. It'd probably be better to just keep a personal journal. Shit, but the allure of someone on chance to stumble across this blog is so attractive and exhilarating. They would be like "haha, get a load of this shit guys". Being a little cynical here? Well it's true isn't it? I can't count how many times I've shared those "fail" videos and images to my netizen friends. If anything at least it's proof that they've acknowledged my existence.

But honestly I only get the urge to actually go out of my way to blog when I get that "forever alone" type of feeling. That's kind of how I feel today, it's been a horrible day. Such a shitty day. Before I blogged because, you know, it'd be a fun little project to record my thoughts over my life. But sometimes it's not just fun, sometimes its fucking necessary to reach out- even a little bit, to prove to yourself that you're still alive.


I don't know. Today sucks. I won't say why, because I'm talking to myself here. I already know why. But leaving a note behind saying that this specific day sucks will be well worth it. My life keeps spiraling down. How will I be in 2 - 3 years? I don't know, I really just don't know. I hope that if I do happen to look back at this blog maybe I'll be able to finally come to terms with myself and just do SOMETHING.

I feel like I'm in a silly satirical cartoon. Ever watch the movie Taxidermia? That stuff is like a big mind-fuck. And my mind is doing some serious fucking right now. Nothing good has been happening. I don't have anything good to share. Well maybe I could say I'm a fucking amazing actor, for putting up a smile while working at my shitty job, and saying "How are you doing today?" as if I'm the happiest person in the world. Shit the liquor store guy next door seems to have been pulling it off for fucking years and he looks just fine.

At least I'm not alone. I read a blog about a 28 yr old guy who works at a pizza place as an assistant manager. He makes $37,000 a year. He has not finished college, nor is he enrolled into a college. All his friends have moved on. They have good career jobs. Some are married, some even have kids. And here he was, all alone, at the pizza parlor. He reached out to his community to ask for help. They gave good advice. Just DO SOMETHING.

Do something. Good idea. I don't know when, but one day I'll do something.

Or here I go again. I almost deleted the blog. I lay back in my chair. Brood over my cynical thoughts. Maybe I should try to pick up writing? What an awful writer I'd make, haha. I lean forward in my chair again. I highlight the entire blog. I don't hit the delete button. Lean back into the chair.... Well today must be a really shitty day for me to actually do this....

*sigh* =_=


  1. Don't worry, we all have our bad days!

    Don't you have some friends that aren't against guys blogging to talk to? Or a sibling that you're close too? You should really talk to someone who can understand you. If do have someone like that, then you're lucky, not like me.

    During this past few weeks * actually, it started a few weeks before my finals for this year*, I've been suffering from Mental Unstabilty and of course my parents are clueless( if they knew...I'd be thrown into a mental facilty and never be able to go on the internet again and I'd die of bordom or even I'll become truely insane...)

    And I have no one to talk to. I can't talk to anyone, even my friends...because

    1. I don't want them to get worried about me.

    Anyways, my mom has been a pain in the ass since her old collage friends called her..and she wants to do now is go on Facebook to chat with them..and that's just stealing my time on the damn netbook since we have to share...URGH! FTW!

    If you want to become a writer, I don't think it would not be a bad idea! I mean, it's pretty easy to write about something that you like and you'll end up with a 400 page book in no time * which unfortunately, I have only made 127 only...Haiz...*

    If you don't want your blog to be read by random people, send invitations to the people who you want to make your readers and change the blog settings so that only the people who you want to read your blog can read. * ps: be sure to invite me too!*

    I'm sure that live will take a better turn for you in the future and be reminded that there are always people who care.

    Your Friend,
    Seiichiro Sano

  2. I'm glad you posted something! Even if it was bad. Sometimes, its good to just share your thoughts! Plus, I was starting to get worried when you just kinda dropped off the face of...well, the internet, I guess...
    (Please, don't think I'm creepy...If someone whose blog I follow stops posting, I just get worried, OK?)

    Anyway, everyone does have their bad days. I've had many weeks where I was just depressed and feeling alone in the world. Then, I moved on. That's really all you have to do, keep on moving on. Don't give up! I know I'm sounding really cliche here, but its still true!!

    I'm sorry, I can't really help much more than this...I'll pray for you!


  3. well 4 one im happy ur bak! an sry that ur day isnt goin well...but think of it this way u shuld b happy u were able 2 wake up tha next day and see tha sunlight, hear tha birds, or c family, or freinds...im not sayin ur not grateful 4 livin just stop puttin a lot of weight on u shoulders ok :)