Yeah.. I've definitely almost lost myself these past few months. It's like stuff you would see in a psychological satire, but in reality, it's very real. It does happen. People go a little nuts at some point in their lives, I think we all do. But when we recover from it, we grow to become better people.
So how about an update?
So the past 6 months, I've been sitting in the shit hole, and just this month I was hoisted from the pit of shit and brought back into the warm light of life.
Haha, well thats a short TL:DR summary of the events that have happened to me the past few months. I mean I took off a semester, involuntarily, which a huge difference from taking off a month voluntarily. So it was pretty painful, I had trouble keeping myself composed and whatnot. On some days (like the last 2 entries) I would just have random thoughts or rants (outbursts tbh), it was really silly, and IMO also pretty damn immature of me =(. It was really tough, I don't like to bitch, but for real- it was tough. If anything it has been one of the biggest life changing things I've had in my life so far. I never ever wanted to go back to school so badly.
Annnnd, swinging back to the present- I'm back! Back in school, finally. Like this past week, although I have to wake-up at 5:30 AM every week to commute, I've never felt so relieved and so goddamn happy. It's such an amazing feeling, to be happy. Like holy shit lol, I just don't how to describe it. If anything, my overall wellbeing has improved dramatically, just because I finally dragged myself out of my mixed solemn state of depression and insanity. Everything around me just seems so clear and wonderful. It's like, all the bullshit in the world doesn't affect you anymore, because you've got your mind focused on more important things.
So I dropped my Global Business/Finance double major. I didn't like it. I didn't want to spend my college life digging around through stacks of numbers and vague economic concepts. I switched over to ISOM, which is Information Systems Operations Management. Which is basically the business side of using computers to deal with company data and what not. My specialty =). Plus it also has a wide range of possible careers which includes dealing with running websites, managing corporate data, computer technical work, database management, the list goes on. But they are all careers in which I would verrrrry comfortable working in.
And as for minor.... ART!!! FRIGGIN ART!!!!!!DIAS()D*()YNDAJ YEESSSSSSS!
Best decision I have made in my life so fucking far. I mean seriously, I'll put it down right here, January 2011, best decision in my life thus far. I love it so much. I can't believe I didn't minor in art as a freshman. Seriously. Here's the deal. If you don't follow your passions at all in any way shape or form, you are making a huge mistake in your life. Huge. I've been very skeptical about it, but now I've confirmed it. Always follow your passion, even if it's a far out sort of dream, you can always still follow it in some way- no matter how unrealistic it may seem. There's always a way.
I'm going to turn this blog into mainly an art blog. I've put up things in the past and made some good progress by sticking things and critiquing them heavily with my own efforts. In truth, well with the new knowledge I have, I discovered that my way of trying to learn things was actually really flawed. I was taught as a child that using references to draw things was bad. In truth its what you're actually supposed to do in order to improve yourself at a quicker pace. As for the design aspect of art, or in other words- the creative side, that too can be taught. But of course rarely anyone has any clue as to how to exercise their brain properly in the creativity field, so I was doing very little by myself trying to desperately come up with the most oddest looking designs.
Ever since I've taken my art course, I improved quite a good bit. Maybe not so much on the technical side, but a lo ton the fundamentals side. I was lacking the most in my fundamentals. I just had no direction in whatever I did, as a result progress was slow and often discouraging.
Right now it's still pencil and ink, but it's like on a whole other level compared to my old work. The design exercises so far have been super useful. It's awesome when you can go to school, and then go home right after and use what you've learned right away.
This is what I was drawing tonight as I wrote this blog. Originally it was a doodle, because I needed to practice drawing "Dots" (lol) for the first project. I'm thinking about finishing it up, and putting it on my big bristol paper and ink it with sumi ink. I really liked how the design classes can give you ideas.
Some more drawings I did to practice. These are really recent, using the new things I learned to my advantage. Learning to draw figures practically requires you to use something as a model. It's just not possible to Learn it by imaging it in your head. Well actually you can do it all in your head, but you'd probably come out with some abstract looking figures. I like mine with well defined proportions that I can agree with lol.
More practice sketching. Gotta push those boundaries and flesh out poses that I'm not comfortable with drawing, it's the only way to improve. And if I can't do it using my own head, then I'll just find something to refer to. In France they often had nude models pose for young aspiring artists to draw them. So there really was a place for using things as models.
Basically this entire time, I've been approaching art the completely wrong way. Right now I probably still need some guidance, but if I keep taking these classes and practicing, I'm bound to become a pretty legit artist. So far I like how much better I've gotten. If I compare my current little mini personal project which is the first picture on the blog, to things in my old forgotten gallery there's a noticable difference. I really have a good feeling about this year. I really do.