Sunday, December 25, 2016


Still alive I guess. It seems like my last entry was made just around the same time as this one.
 Kyoto, Japan

I've spent a good amount of time in Japan now. Well over a year huh. Looking back I was super excited to be here. Don't get me wrong I am still happy to be living in Japan. It's just that the initial excitement has long worn off, and at the moment, work is my primary focus.

Loneliness has settled pretty darn well this Holiday season. I suppose I'm going through one of my "down" phases as I like to term them now. Occasionally I'll go into a manic happy frenzy and then quietly cool down and reflect a little. I think it's good that I chose this time of reflection to record these thoughts.

Of all the random hobbies I've picked up, drawing, playing guitar, piano, gaming, anime- I'm really glad I picked up photography. It's something I still do and enjoy thoroughly with no regrets whatsoever. Gaming and anime has gone away considerably. I don't know if that has to do with something with me being older or just bored. I hopped on the PC to do some gaming with friends in the first time in what seemed like months. Anime is too unrealistic to me now for me to really enjoy, especially the high school oriented ones. If anything it's the manga with more mature and thought provoking themes that get my attention. Still, it has taken a massive back burner.

It's weird being able to claim this photo as my own work.

My photography skills have increased over the year. It took a lot of different facets of the craft to improve myself as a whole. First you need to get out and take the picture, which is quite difficult sometimes. Then you need to take a lot of pictures, which is also difficult unless you're flying solo. After that there's a multitude of basic photography skills to make a decent picture: settings, composition, lighting, judging your work, post processing. In fact I only just picked post processing not to long ago, wish I had done so sooner. 

One of the many shrines in Kyoto

Anyways my main gripe for today, or tonight (or this early early morning? 3 AM) is the intense feeling of melancholy I have after going through another year of holidays without my family. It's not the feeling of loneliness that gets me now... no it's the feeling that I can get used to this (I have a very strange feeling I have said this in the past...). That is what is bothering me right now. While it is normal for others to have a large family occasion for these holidays, I am sitting here feeling rather content with a pot of green tea and some relaxing tunes to listen to. For this to be my norm is what frightens me.

Maybe I have had to much time to myself to think. Typically if I were working normally I would be way too focused on getting my work done than to think about my current situation like this. I would go through the work day with only that in mind and then turning my sailor switch off to relax at home with whatever home remedies I had on hand (beer, games, food, etc.). 

Including today I have another 3 days and 2 nights to enjoy at my leisure. I plan on heading out on a short trip to somewhere in Chiba, to see some rural scenic areas that I heard of. Last time I went was when I went to visit Mt. Nokogiri. In any case, another photo trip can only benefit me mentally and spiritually. I still can't sort myself out even after coming to the land of my dreams (hilarious really). Perhaps all I can do is find whatever method it takes to keep me content will as little regret as possible.

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